Shame, and its role in chronic pain and Tension Myositis Syndrome

We all accept that shame and embarrassment can make us blush, have a rapid heartbeat, break into a sweat, freeze, hang our head, slump our shoulders, avoid eye contact, withdraw, perhaps we might feel get dizzy or nauseous. These are all unconscious physiological reactions to an emotional experience.

We’re less likely to accept that shame can also contribute to more serious and long lasting physical issues, such as chronic pain, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome.

However, just like all the afore mentioned physical behaviours and symptoms, physical pain can, and does, result from the repressed emotions of shame, those that make us feel flawed or defective in some way. It is a little harder to digest this lesser-known fact since pain appears to involve the soft tissues and nerves within the physical body which we automatically associate with a physical problem. We are conditioned to look at the body when the body hurts, and as we do, we look away from the painful feelings that are at the core of our shame. 

Shame can also lead to addiction and codependency and is exhibited in people who identify with the following personality traits:

• Perfectionists

• People with low self-esteem

• People-pleasers / goodists

• Dependents

As you can see, the personality traits that can develop as a result of shame are similar to those exhibited in many TMS sufferers. Remember that these traits are part of a coping mechanism. They serve as a way in which we can ease the pain of feeling unworthy or not good enough in the eyes of society while at the same time giving us a sense of control over our lives.

If you suffer with feelings of shame it might be worth taking some time out to reflect upon the belief at the causal point of your emotion. Once you have identified your belief it is then time to challenge and reframe it. Even if you really did something wrong out of spite, or anger, the fact that you feel remorse proves you are not a flawed person. Instead, like all of us, you’re a human and capable of making human mistakes, sometimes, bloody, massive ones!

With better clarity around your beliefs you will find it easier to reframe your experience and find a sense of stable ground. Shit happens, sometimes really bad shit, but we are all worthy of forgiveness and we’re all worthy of love, no matter how much we think we’ve messed up.

Can you remember a time when shame did not exist in your life? When did you feel like you were enough just as you are, when you knew that even if you messed up, you could regroup your emotions in a healthy way and feel better again? 

Challenging and reframing your beliefs around shame is an important step in TMS recovery because it will help you gain clarity on your current mental landscape. Once there is clarity, there will be an ease to your suffering and you can say goodbye to the symptoms associated with such difficult and upsetting emotions.